Friday, November 14, 2008

True Help

I don't really feel like blogging but sometimes I think it helps for me to get things off my chest by talking about it or blogging. I can't stop thinking about Becky and her children and the loss and sorrow they have experienced this week and will have to learn to live with the rest of their lives. No one can know the pain they will have to bare. There are no words that can fill the void left in their lives. I only wish there was something I could say or do to help but theres not. I know theres not because of the times in my life that I have experienced loss. Those who know me best know that before I got married I had to endure the pain of not having someone I loved in my life (and no it wasn't a boyfriend). I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest and that I would never find peace again. So many nights of crying and missing that I thought I would never get to sleep. Then the only person I could turn to was my Savior. He is the only the one thats there in those quite sad moments. I prayed to him to just let me fall asleep and let the tears stop falling only then would I sleep. Some how the pain became less and I learned to live without my angel in my life. Then once again when my mother died there were no words of comfort. I was left again with a void in my heart that no one else could fill. This time I was spiralling down faster. Grasping and reaching for anyone to throw me a life preserver. I went to different couseling, lots of people had advice of how to cope, it does help alot to talk to others who have been through it and see how they have dealt. But truly I had to do the work myself and want to get better and learn to live without her. It wasn't easy and honestly it still isn't. There are still huge holes in my heart but I've learned that its okay to miss and to feel the pain i'm not afraid of it like I used to be...if I try to not feel just makes it worse... instead I let it wash over me and a shower of sadness...but then I dry off and go on living because thats what we have to do we have no other choice. People would say "you are so strong to have endured what you have"....but honestly what was my choice because if I would have had the choice I wouldn't have. Through it all the one true person that I can honestly say has helped me through when noone else is there is my Savior he has been by my side through out it all. He never leaves us to suffer alone...He suffers right along with us. So my only advice to Becky and her family is to turn to Him, turn to Him often never stop believing that He can help you through. Because I know He can and He will. He loves us so much and if we ask will take the pain from our heart and give us rest even just for a little while. The more we loved someone the more we grieve their loss. I love you Becky and your family. I hope that whoever reads this will find it in their hearts to help the Summers Family. There is a button on my side bar for anyone that wants to donate.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Thank you for writing this. It is so hard to share these things and you have been able to beautifully capture what is in many of our hearts with the unique perspective of having lost someone so dear...thank you for sharing this! We all love you Becky!