Friday, May 22, 2009

Changes

So if I'm going to be completely honest and I want to share my real feelings. I have to tell you how sad I've been the past couple of days and how hard it really is. Hopefully if someone has felt this way they will know what I'm talking about and I don't think I'm that different from others but I have been really sad and grieving the loss of Kacey not going back to school next year. Any change whether its good or bad is always a loss of something else, thats not to say its not good but it is different and a little like going into the unknown. I think for me thats when my faith comes into play and even though its hard or something that I'm not used to I have to remember that God knows all and that it is his will not mine. I'm even having a hard time that she's not doing cheerleading this year...even though she has lots of dance and music to takes its place its still a death of something else. So yeah I cried a lot last night...and its funny because she's not home from school yet but so far she has been taking it a lot better than I have (knock on wood). I haven't told her how sad I've been because if theres one thing I've learned in my life that even if it hurts or its hard to do that doesn't mean its not the right decision. That is the one thing I'm sure of. I know it will get easier... its just the transitioning that sucks. There definitely is a reason for all things.....its just hard not knowing what those reasons are.

4 comments:

Rachel said...

I've been feeling a touch of that exact same thing myself. Even though Jacob is only in a preschool class and he is only 4 years old...I've never homeschooled before and it is a change - a very big change for the entire family! A change of ideals, a change of habits, a change of life! And change can be scary. Other parents are asking us about next year and can't hide their disappointment when they learn Jacob will not be in school with their children. Teachers can't help but look worried - all they've known is the public school system, so it's hard for them to understand the need we feel to homeschool (and they've grown to love him, too).

Now that the change (which is much smaller than the change you are going through) is getting nearer and nearer...I feel it too! I'm excited, but nervous. I'm thrilled that he has grown and overcome so much that we can consider homeschooling, but I'm scared of the unknown. I'm anxious and yet calm because I know deep down that this is right for us!
Thank you for your honesty about your feelings, they mirror and magnify my own and I'm glad to know that I am not alone! Good luck with the summer break and preparing for next year!

Maple said...

I hear ya. I struggled so much over it. I would feel excited and then very anxious. I'm still fighting for the calm. I heard a great talk by Elder Scott once when he said, "Do what is right and let the consequence follow." I think of that often. It doesn't mean I always feel super empowered, but when I do what I feel is right and then trust the rest to God, it makes me stronger. I saw another quote lately that said, "Worry is the dark room where negatives develop." I thought that was pretty true too. I'm working on embracing whatever God wants for me and from me, and trusting that that will bring the most peace and joy into my life and the lives of my family. Change is never easy, and it's always constant. Who knows what changes another year will bring. Let's hope they're all good. :)

Barbra said...

Hi Elizabeth. I guess I'm confused. Why is Kacey not going back to school?

Pepple Family said...

I know exactly how you are feeling! We have been doing it for years and I still, at times, have the exact feelings you are talking about. Just remember the feelings you had the confirmations you got that you are doing the right thing for Kacey and your family!

What always helped me (and still does) is there are some life changing decisions, decisions you can't take back, but this thankfully isn't one of them. Yes it can be life changing to an extent, but its always a decision you can change. If it ever becomes too much or you don't feel like its right anymore she can always go back to public school.

It scary and overwhelming, but exciting and adventurous at the same time! There will be several homeschoolers next year in the ward so just remember you are not alone!! You can do this!